It’s the classic ancient Egyptian, incestuous love-affair, but with a homicidal twist!
Respected by all, brother and sister duo Isis and Osiris are not only lovers, (hey it was a different time!), but the supreme rulers of the land. However, their powerful reign comes to a sudden end when the jealous Set kills Osiris. Oh no! Even more unfortunate, Set goes on to cut Osiris’ body up into little pieces so that Isis cannot use her notoriously powerful black magic to raise him from the dead. Heart-broken, Isis vows to come back from the afterlife, raise the dead Osiris from his tomb, and rule the earth once again! Watch out ladies – this one’s gonna be a tearjerker!
In Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy the evening starts off light-hearted enough. Some sex puns, some flirting, some nerd jokes directed at the class geek Amy (Aria Song). Now I’m not usually one for gossip, but Amy is a total know-it-all and totally hooking up with the professor! Eww! He’s like SO OLD! But that’s none of my business. While Amy is off being…uhh…tutored by the professor (Randy Oppenheimer), the rest of the students are in the basement smoking some kind of ancient Egyptian weed that they found. But this isn’t your regular ancient Egyptian weed, it’s a very special strand, one that has the ability to reawaken the soul of none other than, you guessed it, that dead babe Isis! And guess what else! Her newly awakened, mummified body is resting in the very same room as horned up Amy and that old pervy professor! What a boner-shrinker! Isis breaks out of her tomb and begins a killing rampage dismantling her victims’ bodies in an attempt to assemble a body for her dead lover Osiris to inhabit. She probably could have used just one body as a sacred soul vessel, but these college kids are too damn annoying to be left alive!
Despite being pretty corny and consistently over-acted, Lisa Palenica’s Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy (2013) is surprisingly watchable thanks to the professional grade camera work and coherent writing/editing, despite its low budget. Well done production team! The film has a good number of plot holes, some hilariously bad green-screen moments, and some dismembered bodies that are obviously mannequins. Also Isis is played by the pornstar actress Priya Rai whose bosoms are heavily featured. I’m not going to decide for you if that’s a positive or negative statement. It definitely suffers from its tiny budget, but, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I still found myself strangely enjoying the whole thing. It’s definitely not a good movie. But it’s consistently entertaining.
Review by: Alex Schultz