Review: Lake Noir

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This one starts out interestingly, enticing us with a Latin proverb about revenge before going into a very lurid and disturbing scene of rape and murder. One begins to think that we’re going to be treated to a valid throwback to the video-nasty era of the late-70’s – 80’s. But, alas, it’s a promise that remains unfulfilled. Narrative thrust is non-existent, and the whole thing goes nowhere fast — or, more appropriately, nowhere slow.

Lake Noir has a standard slasher flick setup — 4 young, extremely unpleasant couples (including one virginal girl) head to a remote lake for a weekend of partying, ignoring all warnings about the lake’s troubling history. Of course, characters this sex-obsessed aren’t going to hear anything anyone says about anything. This movie definitely wears its sex on its sleeve, but, in spite of a fair amount of female flesh on display, it remains disappointingly dull.

The makers could have cut out 10 full minutes just in driving scenes, but the whole thing feels padded — the knuckleheads actually make two trips to the same service station, and are treated to two warnings from the typical old town crazy. Say what you want about a lot of the slasher flicks from the old days, but at least they moved forward. Lake Noir has more of a sideways feel, at least until the last thirty minutes or so when the killer finally makes his (admittedly creepy) appearance. By then, all the air has been sucked out of the movie, although one can’t complain too much about watching these idiots meet their fates. I recommend a shot of your favorite drink whenever they show off the labels of the local microbrewed beers.

Scariness: 
2-crowns-small
Hotness: 
4-crowns-small

Gore: 
3-crowns-small

Acting: 
1-crowns-small

Review by: Baron Von Marte

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