Review: Secrets of the Clown

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Here’s a suitable nasty, well-shot flick. Just don’t expect it to make a bit of sense. Or for the acting to be, (with a few exceptions), anything but laughable. But, hey, who’s complaining?

Secrets of the Clown is the story, (and I use that term lightly), of a haunted woman and a series of brutal murders, and it all involves a sinister clown doll. A group of extremely unlikable friends start dropping off one by one and they unwisely decide to commune with the dead to find out what’s going on (though if they did find out, they never shared it with me). Enter a spirit medium who also seems to have magical powers, and a few twists that are surprising mainly because they come completely out of nowhere. Exactly how the clown is involved probably won’t be clear even by the end.

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The dialog is absurd, and the viewer must slog through agonizing stretches of pointless character interaction, but by the time Secrets of the Clown reaches the appropriately overwrought series of climaxes, I couldn’t help but give the makers credit for not holding back. Some of the nightmare and clown imagery is genuinely striking and freaky, and the make-up is passable, but the whole thing is totally disjointed, and one can’t help but wish they had a better writer and editor.

For the most part it’s fast-paced and energetic, a mishmash of witchcraft, ghosts, nightmares,  slasher flick, and Evil Dead rip-off. I was going to recommend doing a shot every time you notice how terrible the over-dubbing is, but that would require about 4 bottles and a trip to the hospital, so just have a drink and a toke every time a character does.

Scariness: 
3-crowns-small
Hotness: 
4-crowns-small

Gore: 
5-crowns-small

Acting: 
1-crowns-small

Review by: Baron Von Marte

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